Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
