So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
