all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
