I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
