She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
