dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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