Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
