it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
