Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
