after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
