when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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