Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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