o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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