You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
