Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The air was thick with penises
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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