he wants to bone in the snuggie
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
