nut hugger
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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