last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
