Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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