You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
