Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
