she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
