Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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