I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
