a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
