I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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