When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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