dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
These tits shall not be calmed
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