I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
