I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My pussy is not your playground.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
