I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
