she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
