I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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