So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
