hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
