After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
