He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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