Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
