Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
