I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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