It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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