We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
