Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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