just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
