UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
