He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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