no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
