Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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