I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
