explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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